Gearing up for 2009!!!

OK… so I’ve been completely negligent in keeping up with my blog, and I apologize.

I’ve decided to take this little blog in a whole new direction in 2009, and I hope you will approve of the changes.   I intend to make it much more personal, writing updates about my family for the purpose of keeping in touch with our many far-flung relatives and friends!

I’m feeling almost completely better now, and have high hopes for good health this year.  With my improved health, I hope to also have more time and energy for spending quality time with my wonderful boys!! (And blogging about it, of course! )

Logan, our 8-year old,  is enjoying the third grade this year.  He is looking and acting very much like a “big kid” these days!  He LOVES Cub Scouts, and is also playing soccer.  Though his schedule is pretty busy, Logan does a good job keeping up with everything.

Calvin is going to be turing 3 in April.  He is a handful and keeps us very busy!  At the moment he is very excited about Firetrucks and anything else with wheels.

Vedette switched jobs this past fall and is enjoying his new company.  He is working hard as usual taking care of us all!

Merry Christmas everyone!  Welcome 2009!! 

<>< Danielle

When NOT to Breastfeed

The benefits of breastfeeding are many and well-known, and I probably don’t have to harp on about them here. However, just in case you’ve been living under a rock, here’s a crash course…

Breast milk is the best source of nutrition for newborn babies of healthy mothers, as it provides easily digestible nutrients in the right quantities. It’s also packed with antibodies and helps to establish the baby’s immune system. Babies breastfed exclusively are reported to be at less risk of stomach upsets and ear, respiratory, and urinary tract infections than those who are formula-fed. They’re also less likely to become obese or experience constipation and vomiting. Breastfeeding also helps prevent allergies and diabetes, and is especially important in families where there is a history of these issues. Breastmilk contains substances that help the development of a baby’s brain, retinas, gut lining and protective sheath for the central nervous system. Breastmilk also contains hormonal factors that help the baby’s growth and development. It carries digestive enzymes, too, which help to digest the nutrients in milk, helping the baby’s immature digestive tract.

So when is it ever OK for a mother to NOT breastfeed her baby? Obviously if the mother has a communicable disease like HIV or hepatitis, breastfeeding might not be appropriate. Some breast surgeries, such as reductions, may also make breastfeeding difficult. (However, a good lactation consultant should be able to help you through this particular issue.) Also, if the mother is taking “illicit drugs” she should not be breastfeeding, nor should she have had a baby in the first place! Along the same lines, if a mother is taking a NECESSARY medication that would put the infant at risk (such as chemotherapy for cancer), she should probably not breastfeed. Now, do I think that it’s OK for Sally to not breastfeed her baby because she wants to keep taking her Claritin for the sniffle she gets once a year? No. I think Sally needs to consider that putting her baby on the road to life-long good health is more important than having some sniffles for awhile in the spring. Sally needs to just suck it up, ditch the Claritin, and nurse her baby.

Another not so obvious barrier to breastfeeding may be inadequate milk supply. Or even, inadequate milk nutrition. It is necessary for a mother’s milk to have adequate fat-soluble vitamins, or the baby will not have the necessary components to build a healthy gut wall and make important connections in the brain. These fat-soluble vitamins come exclusively from the mother’s diet. If the mother is vegetarian, or has a medical problem, such as malabsorption (due to, for instance, Celiac Disease) she may need to find a way to boost her diet or supplement her breast milk to ensure her baby is getting adequate nutrition.

My children were not. Looking back now, I can see some of the symptoms of inadequate nutrition that went unheeded; frequent ear infections, diarrhea, low weight, etc. The most obvious symptom occurred in my youngest child, who’s baby teeth came in completely rotten. This was puzzling to me. How could my child, whom had been exclusively breastfed for his first entire year of life have rotten teeth? We do not eat junk food, he has never had a bottle, and he wasn’t even getting a sippy-cup very often since he preferred to just nurse. So what had I done wrong? After some research, I discovered the reason behind my children’s ill health despite being given the “Best Start”. I can not give them what I don’t have. And I did not have adequate nutrients.

So what is a Mommy to do? If you absolutely can not breastfeed for one of the above mentioned reasons, here are your next best options:

1. Find a Breast milk bank. Breast milk from donor mothers is stored in human milk banks for infants in need. At this time, there are only six human milk banks in the United States. Because babies who use donor milk are not related to the donors, every possible step is taken to ensure the milk is safe. The cost of donor milk is about $3 per ounce, and sometimes there is another fee for shipping. Most health insurance companies cover the cost of donor milk if it is medically necessary. To find out if your insurance will cover the cost of the milk, call your insurance company or ask your health care provider.
2. Talk to a friend who is lactating. If she’s a good enough friend, and your cause is just, she may be willing to pump some extra milk for your baby. If she’s a REALLY good friend, she may even be willing to occasionally be a wet-nurse for your baby. However, keep in mind that this is a huge burden on a new mother, and only ask in the most dire of circumstances.
3. IF ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY, AND ONLY AS A LAST RESORT (or supplement to human breast milk if you are concerned about your milk quality) , it is possible to make a good quality home-made whole-food formula. You can find some good recipes here on the Weston A.Price Foundation’s website. Commercial formula is never a good option for any reason, especially soy formula! You can send me hate mail all you want to on this one, I will still say the same thing. Just read the label! If you still think that crap is actually healthy for your baby, YOU live off it for a day and see how you feel! I DARE YOU!!

All of the above options should still be given by the mother at the breast via a Lact-Aid device. Breastfeeding is much more than just nutrition. Check out this excerpt I found on the breastfeedingbasics.org website: “A recent small study in Boston evaluated the behavioral effects of a heel prick procedure (for drawing newborn genetic screening) when mothers were breastfeeding their infants compared to a control group of infants who were swaddled in a bassinet. All infants in the experimental group were latched onto their mother’s breast lying skin to skin before the heel prick. Video monitoring of both groups revealed that the infants breastfed during the procedure had crying and grimacing reduced by 91% and 84% respectively compared to the infants who underwent the procedure in their bassinet. Breastfeeding also prevented the tachycardia associated with the procedure in the control group. ( Gray, 2002 ).” Skin-to-skin contact and Mommy’s attention are absolutely essential for baby’s healthy growth. Whatever it is that you think you need to get done right now you won’t even remember in a year or two, but your child’s ability to form healthy attachments will benefit him for a life time!! In an Interview with Dr. Karen Walant by The Nurturing Parent (TNP) staff, discussing her book Creating the Capacity for Attachment, says;

We, as a society, have raised our children with the expectation that they become totally self-reliant and autonomous rather than with the hope that they have the capacity to form close, loving, intimate relationships with others. As a result of our social insistence upon self-reliance, we have witnessed an epidemic of addictions and what I call “the alienated self,” meaning people who are disconnected from their internal thoughts and feelings – their inner selves – and are unable to form true intimacy with others. Addiction exemplifies how, by not allowing ourselves to deeply connect to other people, we have attached only to the other things. For example, a pacifier is often one of a child’s first attachments. It is plastic – and not the same as having mother and her breast, to suck and to cuddle with. This unhealthy pattern of reliance on objects is encouraged in the detached parenting styles so common in Western society, and it’s easy to see how, from this tendency, as adults we continue to seek comfort in other non-human objects, such as drugs, food, money, etc.
Very early on, children are generally taught not to disclose to others when feeling “weak” or scared, “needy” or alone. Many of the emotions we felt in childhood – what people call the “negative” emotions – we were taught not to share. So, we sought comfort from blankets, pacifiers, and teddy bears, and we learned not to seek comfort from our mothers, our fathers, our family. As we got too old for blankets and teddy bears, we turned instead to other comforts – food, alcohol, money, etc. As adults, we struggle with holding our emotions within because we fear that by sharing our inner souls with others, we will – as in childhood – be discounted, dismissed, or denied.

Don’t let your precious baby suffer this fate! ALL of your baby’s needs are equally important; physical, material, AND emotional.

Ultimately, We need to keep our eyes on the goal—which is giving our children a healthy start. Breastfeeding is the best way to accomplish this goal, if the mother is healthy, has a healthy diet, and her milk supply is adequate. However, If these pre-conditions are not met, the health of the child should be considered before a mother’s pride. It was very difficult for me to decide to wean my son in favor of more adequate nutrition. Even though he was already two years old, I felt like I had failed him. Both because I knew he wasn’t ready to wean, and because I was upset with myself for letting him have nutritionally inadequate milk to begin with. Now, I’ve decided to just let it go. I can’t change the past, but I can change the future, and I can help other mothers avoid going through what I went through. Which is why there will be another post coming soon on the IMPORTANCE OF PREPARING YOUR BODY BEFORE YOU GET PREGNANT.

Go Shine Your Sink!

I love FlyLady! Moms, if you haven’t visited this site yet, you need to! Her advice for getting organized and running a house is spot-on! Having a family notebook, or as FlyLady calls it, a “Control Journal” has been especially helpful. I have all of my daily routines in mine, as well as weekly schedules and monthly calendars. I also have emergency information and stuff like our Dr.s numbers and addresses, and my husbands work address and fax number… you know, all that stuff that you sometimes need, but can never find because it’s spread all over kingdom come? I also keep my checkbook, a pen, and some stamps in there, just in case.

The thing that I like about it the most is that it’s completely personalized (by me) with no extra waste-of-space pages like expensive planners usually have. Even better is that I paid next-to-nothing for it! I already had the three ring binder and the page protectors left over from something else. For the cover, just so that it would look nice on my kitchen counter where it lives, I used some scrapbooking paper (on sale for $.25 each) and some scrapbooking embellishments that cost me about $3. It turned out pretty well. If I had purchased something similar, it wouldn’t have been nearly as perfect for what I needed and would have cost quite a bit more. All I had to invest in this was my time.

My Family Notebook usually stays on my kitchen counter, where it is nice and central and I can find it easily if I need it. However, if I’m going someplace where I know I might need it, like to an appointment with a new Doctor or something, I take it with me. Then I have easy access to all the information I need to fill out all of those annoying forms! It’s great to not have to annoy dh at work every time I need some information.

“Is your house in a constant state of C.H.A.O.S. (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome)?”- FlyLady

One of the things that FlyLady teaches on her website is to divide your house into zones. Then you can “deep clean” your house one zone at a time. This is a great tip for dividing your chores into more manageable chunks. Of course, there are still those things you need to do everyday like dishes, or once a week like bathrooms. But to think, “OK, all I have to do this week is spend 15 minutes a day sorting out and organizing the junk in the living room.” makes it much easier to know where to start when you want to get your house in order. It’s not quite so overwhelming anymore. After you’ve worked your way through the whole house, it’ll be time to start over again. After the first time through, though, it should just keep getting easier.

I have a section in my Family Notebook titled “Zones”. In it I have a page for each Zone in my house with a checklist for what I need to do there. I love the sense of accomplishment I get from checking things off the list! Here’s an example of one of my zone lists:

Zone 5: The Office

• Sort, tidy, and organize objects and papers on surfaces. Throw out any unnecessary/outdated material. File what needs filing.

• Sort, tidy, and organize objects and papers in desk drawers. Throw out any unnecessary/outdated material. File what needs filing.

• Wipe down fan blades.

• Vacuum and dust, don’t forget baseboards, blinds and window ledges.

• Steam carpet if necessary.

• Clean Glass on windows/computer/pictures.

• Go through entire room and make a list of things that could be sold/given away. DO IT! Throw away anything that is useless.

It’s really great after this is done to have a clean slate! Everything is organized and I feel like I can work again. The checklists for every other zone are similar, but individualized to the room. Also, I change the lists as we change. For instance, I used to have “Clean and sanitize diaper pail, check diapers for holes or spent elastic, repair if necessary” on my checklist for the Master Bedroom Zone (since Calvin has always slept with us and that’s where his stuff is). But now that he’s potty trained, that’s not on the checklist anymore.

FlyLady’s favorite thing to tell her “FlyBaby’s” is to “shine your sink!” before you go to bed. This seems like such a little thing, but it really does help to wake up to a nice clean kitchen! What a great way to start the day! So go check out the FlyLady website! Then GO SHINE YOUR SINK!!

Tips for Choosing the Right Baby Carrier

Have I ever told you how much I love wearing my baby?  I really just can’t say enough good things about it.  At dinner time, when he gets really fussy, I love that I can just tie him on while I continue to cook.  The carrier that I use is an Asain-style carrier called a Mei Tai.  With it, I can carry him on my front, or on my back.  If I’m cooking, or ironing, I think that wearing him on my back is much safer than just hoping he doesn’t burn himself somehow.  Especially now that he’s a toddler!  He gets into everything!  And at 28 pounds, it makes my arms tired to hold him for too long.  When he’s in his carrier, I have my arms free and his weight is evenly distributed, so I can wear him for long periods of time with minimal discomfort!  It’s a lot like carrying a backpack full of books around for awhile.  (For more about the benefits of babywearing, go here.)

During my time as a babywearing instructor, I heard many of the same questions from mothers about babywearing.  One of the most frequent was “Which carrier should I choose?”  My answer; it’s different for everybody!  So, here are some of my tips for choosing the perfect carrier for you and your baby…

1)  EDUCATE YOURSELF. Get familiar with the different kinds of carriers before you commit to one.  The best way to do that is to go to TheBabyWearer.com.  This website is overflowing with all things babywearing!!  You do have to be a member to participate (and sometimes even to just read) in the forum, but it’s free and worth it!  Especially if you consider that the average cost of a good carrier is about $70 on the low end.  That’s a lot of money to spend on something that may or may not meet your needs, which leads me to my next point…

2) CONSIDER YOUR NEEDS. Are you hoping to use the carrier for your newborn, or your older toddler?  Do you need to be able to breastfeed the baby while wearing him?  Where were you planning on using your carrier?  Just around the house?  On your trip to Disney?  At the store?  What’s the weather like where you live?  Will you ever need your carrier at the pool or in the shower?  Will it be worn by more than one person?  What’s your budget like?  Can you afford more than one carrier, or will you only be able to afford one carrier second hand?

All of these are important questions to ask yourself before you choose your carrier.  If you are about to have a new baby and you need a carrier for your newborn, I recommend a pouch or ring style sling until baby can hold his own head up.  A sling will enable you to breastfeed discretely while also allowing for a number of different positions that are appropriate for newborns.  A carrier such as this will also grow with your child.  A toddler can be worn in a sling on your hip, for instance.  Wraps are also great for newborns, but require a lot more patience and practice on Mom’s part.  If you are hoping to get a carrier for an older toddler, especially an older toddler who has never been worn before, TRY BEFORE YOU BUY.  I have yet to meet an un-worn older toddler who will allow Mom to wear him.  Babywearing is something that baby loves if they’re used to it, but if they aren’t… good luck.

If you’re purchasing a carrier specifically with a trip in mind, then you want to get something that is comfortable.  One important word of advice that could have gone anywhere in this article; do not get the Baby Bjorn, or any other carrier that is that same style.  Not only is it not that comfortable for you, it is not good for baby’s development as the crotch-riding position these upright-style carriers force your baby to be in causes a considerable amount of spinal stress.  Baby must always be carried in the same way you would carry him naturally in your arms (facing you, legs like a little frog with the baby’s weight supported across his butt and thighs; or if a newborn, lying down with head supported).  Soft-structured carriers (read: all cloth and close to your body) allow for proper positioning and are highly superior in all regards.  Especially if you are planning on using your carrier for something like your trip to Disney, for instance.  You want a carrier with wide straps (or a wide shoulder section on a sling) that fits you well and is supportive for both you and your baby.

The weather where you live is also an unbelievably important consideration.  If it’s hot, like it is where I live here in Florida, then you are not going to want to be bundled up in yards and yards of heavy fabric.  You would want to make sure that you choose a carrier made from a lightweight fabric.  My personal favorite fabric for the weather here is a Solarveil or Solarweave Mei Tai.  These fabrics are a mesh, kind of like basketball shorts, and they block UVA/UVB rays!  These carriers will also dry out super quick, making them excellent choices for the beach, pool, or even the shower.  On the opposite end of the weather spectrum, Moms in cold-weather climates also need to take that into consideration.  Carriers are available in fleece and other toasty fabrics, and there are also carrier covers available and even jackets designed to go over both mom and baby!  Also, don’t forget to consider straps.  If you live in a very snowy area, it might drive you crazy after a while if the straps of your Mei Tai are always dangling in the snow when you take Jr off to put him in his car seat after grocery shopping.

If Dad or the babysitter is going to be wearing your carrier also, than you’ll want to get one that is adjustable.  For instance, if you decide on a sling-style carrier, you should get a ring-sling instead of a pouch.  A ring sling is adjustable, whereas a pouch sling is fitted to your body.  Mei Tai’s or wraps are great for sharing, because they are made out of fabric that you just tie however you want.  Don’t forget to think about the color of the fabric!  Do you think Daddy is going to be very motivated to take his little princess for a walk around the block while you shower if the adorable wrap you choose to carry her in is pink?

Your budget is, of course, going to be a major factor in which carrier you ultimately choose.  My recommendation: if you can only afford one carrier, buy either a wrap (if you think you can learn how to use it), or a pouch sling.  Both will grow with your child from infancy through toddler-hood with ease.  If you can afford more than one carrier, than get a pouch for your newborn, but be ready to get something else when baby can hold up his own head.

3) VISIT YOUR LOCAL BABYWEARING GROUP. Think La Leche League, only for babywearing instead of breastfeeding.  Again, TheBabyWearer.com is the best place to find babywearers near you.  Attending a group like this is crucial and worth going out of your way for.  At our local meetings, the “veterans” bring their entire carrier “stash” for the newbies to try on.  There are many different types of carriers, and even if you think that one will work best for you in theory, you really don’t know until it’s on your body with your baby in it.  There was also a lending library of carriers at our meetings so that Moms could take carriers home to try.  This is also really helpful, because then you can see how the carrier will work in your everyday life.  And having experienced babywearing mamas there to help you learn how to use the carrier is very necessary for success.  Especially for the types of carriers that have the biggest learning curve, like wraps.  These carriers take a lot of practice, but are sooooooo comfortable to wear once you get the hang of it.

If there isn’t a local meeting, maybe you could schedule a playdate with other babywearing moms near you.  If you can, try to get moms with different types of carriers so that you can try them all out.  If you can’t find local moms on TheBabyWearer.com, another way might be to try Yahoo Groups or other similar sites.  For instance, I live in the Tampa Bay area of Florida, so I would search “Babywearing Tampa” and see what I got.  If nothing come up when you search for “babywearing”, try “attachment parenting”.

4) Once you’ve decided on a carrier, DO NOT BUY FROM A MEGA-STORE!! Not only is the selection HORRIBLE, you are not going to get any help from the salespeople at the store.  Now compare that to buying from a site like attachedtobaby.com, or nineacres.com (these are a completely random selection from a sea of similar sites… just google).  Here you have help from experienced moms, who are usually working from home and are only a phone call away to answer your babywearing questions.  You also have excellent customer support after you get your carrier. Just make sure that whatever site you choose is reputable.  Again TheBabyWearer.com (TBW) is a good resource for this too.  There you can find reviews of not only individual carriers, but also manufacturers and merchants.

Another excellent choice would be to find a local mom who makes baby carriers.  Then you can have it custom made for you in exactly the right size and with your choice of fabric… all while supporting a local WAHM (Work At Home Mom)!

If you have any babywearing questions that were not answered here, get on TBW and ask!  You may also comment here with your Q, and I will comment back with an A!

HAPPY BABYWEARING!!

Calvin is a Weanie!

My 27 month old toddler is finally weaned! He hasn’t nursed in two weeks now. He will sometimes still ask to nurse, but kind of like he already knows the answer. He’s so sweet when he asks, it makes me sad. It also makes me sad that I have to take him for a car ride to put him to sleep at night. This is really not helping my carbon footprint! It’s also not in line with my attachment parenting principles; although, having him fall asleep happily in the car is better than having him cry himself to sleep in bed with me.

I just wish he would go to sleep snuggling with me like he used to… I miss that.

The purpose of weaning Calvin was so that I could try to gain back the weight I lost when I was really sick. At 5’4″ and 97-98 lbs., I still look like a skeleton! Also, because of the severe malabsorption issues I was having, my milk was lacking in nutrition (a post about this will be coming soon). So Calvin was nutrient-deficient also, which was causing his teeth to deteriorate, and probably causing other unseen problems.

I was hoping that if I weaned him, he would eat more real food instead of nursing all day and all night. I was also hoping that maybe I could keep my hard-earned nutrients for myself, so that I could start to get better and gain some weight. However, last night before bed I weighed in at 97.4 lbs., so I know I’m not gaining any weight. *Sigh…*

I really hope this new Dr. helps…